Relationship Solution Series: Conflict
Occasional conflict is a part of everyday life. If the little things in life are causing ongoing conflict, it is up to you to break free of that routine. When you make the effort, you can lessen the anger and get to the REAL issues (if there are any) lying underneath.
You and your partner can learn to argue in a more productive manner.
You are not the victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
What is your goal? For example, if you usually jump right in and defend yourself before your partner finishes speaking, hold off for a few moments. Breath. You’ll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the entire tone of the discussion. Are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming or hurtful, it’s best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that’s brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can’t expect the result to change this time unless something is different. Just one little shift can make all the difference.
Give a little, get a lot. Apologize - and mean it when you’re wrong. Sure it’s tough, no one said this was going to be easy, but try it and watch something wonderful happen.
Remember, “You can’t control anyone else’s behavior, you can only control how you react to what they say or do.” So, keep calm and remain in control of your emotions!
If you’re in the midst of a troubled relationship, or need more tips on how to communicate more effectively with your partner, please consider reaching out to your Best Care EAP for help and support. A professional counselor is available for you and/or your spouse at no cost to you.