Grief Series: I Don't Want to Talk to Anyone

Published: Oct. 5, 2021

The general belief is that it is helpful to talk about your grief. It is commonly said that those who are grieving must talk about what they are feeling and thinking and if they don’t, they aren’t grieving correctly. Well, talking works for many people, but, not for all. Is it okay if I don’t feel like talking about my grief? What if I don’t want to share my grief with anyone else? What if I view my thoughts and feelings as private and I don’t feel like telling others about them?

It is okay if you don’t feel like vocalizing your grief. However, whether you talk about your grief out loud or not, you do need to find a way to release it. If you don’t want to talk to someone, perhaps one of the following alternatives would feel right to you.

  • Keep a journal. This can be done with a simple notebook or in a Word document on the computer. Treat the journal as a dumping ground. Write out whatever thoughts and feelings are in your head. Dump them on the paper. They don’t have to make sense or be grammatically correct.
  • Start a project. Work through your grief that way. It could be a project done in honor of your loved one. Some ideas for such a project are completing a scrapbook about his life, planting a tree, collecting books to give to a local day care in her name, collecting blankets and towels to bring to an animal shelter, or establishing a scholarship from memorial money to benefit those going to school in your loved one’s career field.
  • Read books about other people’s journeys through grief. Relating to another’s grief process can often help you walk through your own.
  • Read a daily devotional and be honest with how it relates to the grief you are experiencing.
  • Talk out loud. Maybe you talk to your loved one or maybe to your pets or even just to the air. Sometimes it is helpful to just hear the words you are saying. The mind can think several thoughts at once, but once you start to vocalize those thoughts, you tend to narrow them down and focus on the ones that are most important or that need the most attention at that time.
  • Find a non-involved person you can talk to. Often the reason someone isn’t talking through their grief is because they don’t want to talk to those around them. They don’t want to say things to their family or friends that they think might upset them. Or maybe they feel bad about what they are thinking and don’t want others to know what it is. Seek out a counselor or a person who is not involved in your daily life. People are often surprised at how easy it is to talk to a stranger.

Losing someone close can be difficult to handle alone. Do you need help? Call (800) 801-4182 or (402) 354-8000 to schedule a confidential appointment.

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Written by Amy Monzingo, MS, LMHP, LMHC, Best Care EAP counselor, the 12-part Grief Series deals with all kinds off issues individuals go through on their grief journey. Whatever the cause of your grief, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss and eventually move on with your life. 

About the Author

Amy Monzingo has been in the counseling field since 1997. She joined Best Care EAP in 1999. 

Education: BS in Human Development, MS in Community Counseling; Licensed Mental Health Practitioner.

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